A toothless baby grinned up at me from the cover of a BABY magazine. When I had first come to see Dr. Shay, I poured over the parenting magazines in his waiting room, soaking up every bit of wit and wisdom they offered.  After the first year, though, I’d studiously begun to avoid them, in favor of more generic reading material.  But today I quickly thumbed through the pages, hoping to catch up.  There was so much to learn.  
   “Debbi?”   Janet leaned around the door frame.  “Dr. Shay can see you now.”  I carefully replaced the magazine and followed Janet to the private office Phil and I had visited once, so many years ago.  I tried to picture how Dr. Shay would ‘officially’ announce my pregnancy.  One time, about four years ago, I had been waiting in an exam room when I heard Dr. Shay enter the room next door.  His booming voice came through as he announced to the patient, “Congratulations lady.  You are pregnant!”  Tears suddenly clogged my throat at that memory, and the years of longing to hear those words. 
  For eight years, Phil and I had faced the pain of infertility, and my faith had been shaken to its foundation.  But now, finally, I would have the desire of my heart.  Just a few minutes more…
Later that day…
   Juggling my purse and packages I tried to stay upright on the slick front porch.  The snow was coming down even harder now and the cold, wet stuff was oozing into my good navy pumps.  I worked the key into the lock and pushed open the front door of the duplex.  Purse and packages landed with a thump in the entryway as I stumbled into the apartment and closed out the cold.  I slid my shoes off and watched the ice make a puddle on the tile floor.  A little stream meandered toward a pile of letters and cards that had fallen through the mail slot.  I rescued the mail and tossed it on the oak table.  The red and green envelopes proclaimed Christmas cards, and I just couldn’t face those right now.  So many would be accompanied by pictures of children; nieces, nephews, friends.  I would read them later.  Much later.

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