I walked to the bedroom as Dr. Shay’s words echoed in my mind. “I’m sorry, Debbi, the blood test was negative.”  I mechanically changed into jeans and a tee shirt, and noticed the black velvet outfit I had laid out this morning, in anticipation of a celebration tonight.  I quickly shoved it into the back of the closet, thankful that Phil hadn’t seen it.  He would wonder what the occasion was.  I had carefully guarded my ‘secret’ for the past two weeks, and hadn’t told Phil about my appointment today.  We’d had so many disappointments I hadn’t wanted to get his hopes up.  Just mine.  Now quiet Christmas Eve without Phil having to know what had almost happened.  I would have to tell him eventually.  Dr. Shay had explained that the Clomid treatment was finished, and we would need to discuss other options. 
     But not tonight.  This was Christmas Eve and I was determined that Phil would be spared the disappointment that I had endured today.  I would make a nice dinner and give him the hand carved chess set I had seen him admiring in the mall.  A small sob caught in my throat as I thought of the other gift I had planned to present to Phil tonight.  The promise of our baby.  What a Christmas it would have been.  Just last week, we had allowed ourselves to dream a little about what the holidays would be like with a child. 
    “You know, we don’t have to put up a tree, just for the two of us.” Phil had said. We had just finished snapping the tree together and were trying to wrestle it into the corner. I had to admit that the artificial tree looked a little forlorn.  I quickly dug through the box of ornaments and handed Phil the Snoopy and Woodstock ornaments I had purchased the first year we had been married.  My employee discount had helped start our ornament collection. Our tree looked like a tribute to Charles Schultz. 
     “We have to have a tree.” I stubbornly insisted.  “We are a family, even if it’s just the two of us.  Besides, where else will you put all the gifts you are going to buy me?”
Phil smirked at that, and then said, “Did I ever tell you about staying up all night one Christmas Eve, putting together Barbie’s dream house for my sister?”